Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.

Proverbs 31:25

My mother died during open heart surgery on January 31, 2024, completing a remarkable life. As the oldest of her four children, it was my privilege to share a eulogy at her Memorial Service on February 8th. I have expanded it a little, added a few pictures, and thought I would share it here. My mother enjoyed reading my blog, and I think that she would be happy to have her eulogy shared here.

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Introduction

The author of Proverbs invites the children of a wonderful mother to rise up and praise her, to call her happy and blessed (Proverbs 31:28). I have an easy task. My mother is easy to praise. But then again, she is so easy to praise, and lived such an incredible life, that it makes my job today difficult, as well. Because where do I even begin? And what do I leave out? 

Her grandkids call them “Nani stories,” and there are a million of them! Not to mention the “Joanie stories” and the “Mom stories.” So, I will share a little now, but later this evening we plan to have an “open mic” for anyone who wants to rise up and share a story or two. Each and every one of you are more than welcome to join us. (The evening gathering was a wonderful celebration with many stories shared!)

Let me start by saying that my mother did not always have an easy life. She faced many challenges in life, but she faced them, as the Proverbs 31:25 puts it, with strength and dignity, and always willing to laugh. No one knew how to have fun like my mother, and no one I have ever known was more able to look on the bright side of life.

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Growing Up in Waltham

Born the youngest of seven children in Waltham, Massachusetts. Raised by a single mom, an amazing woman that I was blessed to know and to love as my “Grammy.” Who worked hard to provide for her family, but it wasn’t easy. But my mother did not let any of that slow her down. She would look for loose change in parking lots to buy her Brigham’s ice cream, joined the ski club at school, and lived a very fun and adventurous life, even forging her mother’s signature so that she could go skydiving when she was a teenager! 

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A Fairy Tale Marriage

As we all know, my mother fell in love with a great man from this very town (Northborough, Massachusetts), my father Jim. They married in 1963, and enjoyed a long and wonderful marriage until my father’s passing in 2022.

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Becoming a Mom

My mother became a mother when I arrived in 1964, followed closely by my sister in 1965 and my brother in 1966. My youngest sibling arrived in 1970, and my mother always described him as the “only planned one.”

My dad was a devout Catholic throughout his life. But my mother never converted; instead, she promised to raise her children in the Catholic Church. And that is a promise that she kept, even serving as a Sunday School teacher at the priest’s request. My mother told me that there were some things about the Catholic Church that she liked, but some things that she just could not agree to, so she found her own way. Besides, she would say, your father was so religious that someone had to hold him back a little! 

My mother’s faith was always there, under the surface, and many of us got to see it more and more in her later years. But I think that when it came right down to it, my mother’s religion was all about love. And she had such love, didn’t she? For her mother and siblings, and all her family. Family was always so important to her. But you didn’t have to be related to her to be considered family! 

Of course, her love for her husband was something out of a fairy tale. And her love for us four children, too. She devoted a large chapter of her life to raising us four, dragging us to every activity this town offered, including our swim lessons at Solomon Pond. All four of us gave her some challenges, if we are honest. And all four of us were incredibly blessed to have her as our mother. 

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Places and Memories

The home I grew up in, 12 Whitney Street, was a great place to grow up, and most of my friends and family have a memory or two of that place. My mother’s mother was always amazed at the comings and goings there, often comparing it to Grand Central Station. It really was a great place to grow up. Our home base. Here it is on a snowy day with our dog, Scout:

But how could I fail to mention all of our many trips in our Winnebagos? Some great memories there, too.

And of course, the home away from home that we call “The Cottage.” So many memories and stories! 

In all these places nothing pleased my Mom more than someone keeping her up late, pouring out their soul and asking for comfort or advice. It happened a lot. Almost all of us have done it. She just had a way of welcoming it. 

My mom often joked with me that she must have a tattoo on her forehead that said, “Tell me your life story.” She just had a way of inviting that. She had so much love to give, and invited us all into her circle of love. 

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Laurence Candle Company & Country Candle

My mother, I should add, was also a very wise and capable businesswoman. She served as secretary for Laurence Candle when it was being rebuilt after a devastating fire. And later on she became owner/operator of Country Candle, a store located on the same property as Laurence Candle.

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Becoming “Nani”

But I can’t talk about my mother’s love without talking about her ten grandchildren. My daughter was the first, arriving when my mother was 52. She was eager for grandchildren, and by the time she was 61 she was grandmother to all ten. Visits to the cottage became an annual, exhausting, ritual, with organized chaos all seemingly revolving around my mother.

Boy, did my mother love her grandchildren! There was nothing better for her than being Nani. It was the great joy of her life, without a doubt. Each of the grandchildren can share their Nani stories much better than me, so I won’t even try. 

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A New (Unwelcome) Mission

But I do want to praise my Mom for the amazing job she did with six of her grandchildren after my sister, their mother, died in 2007. That was without a doubt the most devastating loss in my mom’s life, and obviously in theirs too. But it also began my Mom’s most important mission: To make sure that all of Dianne’s six kids grew up with a mother’s love. And she sure did accomplish that mission, didn’t she? She was so, so proud of all her grandchildren. Nothing gave her more pride and more joy – and more cause to worry – than each and everyone of them!

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Traveling the Country

One more chapter in my mother’s life came fairly recently, after she and my dad had to sell our childhood home for financial reasons. What did they do next? What they always did – made the best of it, and turned it into an adventure! They purchased an rv and traveled the country together, visiting all of their children and grandchildren on the way.

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St. Petersburg

They couldn’t do that forever, so they “settled down” in a wonderful rental home in St. Petersburg, FL, and quickly began creating new memories.

Their home became a gathering place for family and friends near and far. Especially meaningful for them were their special visits from each of their ten grandchildren. I can only imagine the stories and memories that they each have of those priceless experiences. And it is all so typical of my mother (and father) – finding a way to have fun, create memories, and bless their family. No one did it better.

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“I’m Fine; Don’t Worry About Me”

When my mom faced her challenges in life, she would often share them with me. But invariably, she would end our conversations by saying: “But I’m fine; don’t worry about me!” She said it so many times that I started teasing her that I was going to put that on her gravestone, because then it would be true. She would be fine then, and would no longer need me or any of us to worry about her anymore. She would finally be fine. And now, that day is here. She is fine now. We don’t have to worry about her. 

Thanks to the God who created her, and loved her throughout her life, my Mom is now fine. Back with my Dad, my sister, and all those she loved that have gone ahead of us. 

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January 31

My mother died unexpectedly, after 11 hours of open heart surgery. But there were clues. The biggest clue for me was the date of her surgery. It was supposed to last Tuesday, but it was moved to Wednesday, January 31st. The very same day that her mother died in 1995. And the same day that her sister, my Aunt Eileen, died in 2008. I remember that day in 2008 very well. My mother was with her sister. She called me, and asked if I would pray with them. She put me on speaker phone and I prayed. And my mother said to her sister, “It’s okay. You can rest now. And what a great day to go! Ma will be so happy to share this day with you! She’ll be so happy to see you!” 

I remember it so well, and thought about it as I drove up to New Hampshire during my mom’s surgery. I arrived at the hospital just an hour or so before she passed. She left me, and us all, too soon, to be sure. But what a great day for her to go. That delay in her surgery gave her a chance to speak with many of you. And she loved that. 

Saying Goodbye

The truth is that my Mom really didn’t like goodbyes. And somehow she managed to go without a long goodbye. How perfect. Living on her own, right until the end. No long goodbye. Sharing January 31st with her mother and sister. I don’t know how she managed to pull all that off, but I’m not surprised. She was a master at that kind of thing. So, last Wednesday, she went on ahead, greeted by her mother and her sister; and of course, by my father and my sister, her beloved husband and her beloved daughter. 

My mother has left us with more stories and more love and more life than I can even begin to describe. More laughter, more love, more life, more of all of it. What an incredible woman, right to the very end. 

Strength and dignity her clothing, laughing at the time to come, just as Proverbs says. 

Yes, it is all-too-easy for me to rise up and sing her praises. But she would not be happy for me or any of us to leave it there. She would want us all to keep on doing what she taught us – laugh and live and love, always love. Whatever happens: Love. 

Thanks Mom

So thanks, Mom, for teaching me – teaching us all – to love. And whatever happens, I hope we can keep it up and make you proud. 

The world needs more of what my mother gave us all. So let’s learn from her, and keep living by her example. Loving one another, as she loved us. Amen.

I’ll let two more pictures have the last word – they are the first and last pictures of me and my mom (and naturally she and my dad managed to turn becoming parents into “headline news”: