[Jesus said to the disciples:] “Where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.”

Matthew 18:20

Jesus ends this gospel reading (Matthew 18:15-20) With an amazing promise: Where two or three gather in his name, he is there among them. Jesus is here among us, today, and how grateful we are. This is an important promise that Jesus makes, for a lot of reasons, but first because it reminds us how important community is to Jesus. The Christian philosopher, Blaise Pascal, once famously said that: “One Christian is no Christian.” Or, to put it in more modern terms, Christianity is a team sport. We can’t play this particular game by ourselves. We need each other. 

Jesus intends for us to share our faith and our life and our journeys together. It is part and parcel of what it means to follow Jesus – to be part of the church he founded. We can’t follow Jesus alone. Because following Jesus brings us together, into this community. 

The Lutheran pastor and theologian, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, wrote a whole book about the importance of Christian community, called “Life Together.” At the beginning of his book he writes: “The Christian cannot simply take for granted the privilege of living among other Christians.” And how true that is. 

Bonhoeffer wrote those words, and that book, for an underground seminary that he was leading in Germany in the 1930s. And he knew that the students of that seminary would not always be together. He himself would eventually be taken from his community and put in prison, after participating in an attempt to overthrow Hitler. We simply cannot take for granted the privilege of living among other Christians. Bonhoeffer goes on to share a little more about this. He writes: 

“It is easily forgotten that the community of Christians is a gift of grace from the kingdom of God, a gift that can be taken from us any day – that the time still separating us from the most profound loneliness may be brief indeed. Therefore, let those who until now have had the privilege of living a Christian life together with other Christians praise God’s grace from the bottom of their hearts. Let them thank God on their knees and realize: it is grace, nothing but grace, that we are still permitted to live in the community of Christians today.”

Yes, let us thank God for this privilege – of living together in community, of gathering together in Jesus’ name, knowing that when we do, he is among us. It is grace, nothing but grace, that we can do this. 

Conflict Is Everywhere

But if that’s the case, then why does Jesus spend so much time telling us what to do when there is conflict in our community, as he does in today’s gospel reading? The reason is simple: There is no perfect community on this side of Heaven. It has been said that if you find the perfect church, join it, but as soon as you do, it won’t be perfect anymore. Truth was, it was never perfect in the first place. 

It reminds me of an old joke, about a man who is stranded on a deserted island for many years. When he is finally discovered and rescued, he shows off his home that he built, which puts Robinson Crusoe’s home to shame. He then proudly shows off the church that he built, even though he is the only person on the island. His rescuers notice another building near the church that also looks like a church, and they ask him about it. “What’s that?” “Oh, that one over there?” he answers, “That’s the church I used to attend.” 

Conflict in the church is inevitable, and it may not even take two or three for it to happen. But it often does. As the gospel according to cynics puts it, “Where two or three are gathered, there is politics.” And disagreements, and conflict. It is sad, but inevitable. 

When we gather together as human beings to share in something that is important to us, we almost always end up disagreeing with one another. It is universal, and takes place no matter how small or large the group. It takes place within families, it takes place at school and at work, it takes place in communities, and it takes place in nations, and it takes place between nations. When people get together, sadly, there is inevitably disagreement and conflict.

But Conflict in the Church?

And, of course, the saddest example of this is the church. We want to believe that in the church at least, we can avoid conflict and disagreement. But all too often we find the opposite to be the case. The disagreement and conflict seems to be worse and seems to hurt more in the church than almost anywhere else, with the possible exception of conflict in our families and in our homes.

But why is there conflict in the church? We are getting together in Jesus’ name! He promises to be with us. Can’t we all just get along?

I’ve always found it strangely comforting to know that it has always been like this. You can’t read the Bible long without reading about some kind of conflict, even in the early church. Which brings us to today’s gospel reading. 

In this reading, Jesus is teaching the church, then and now, what we should do when there is conflict among us. And this teaching from the Son of God on how to deal with conflict in the church can be applied to conflict in any group, from family and friends to governments and nations. So let’s look at what he has to say. 

What to Do First: Go and Talk to That One

First: “If your brother or sister sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone.”

When someone close to you sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. This is the first step to dealing with conflict in the church. And it is a good step. And it is as simple and as complicated as it sounds. When someone sins against you, go and talk to them, one-on-one. Don’t ignore the disagreement. Don’t expect someone else to deal with it. Don’t hope that it will just go away. Don’t get angry at someone else. Don’t internalize it. Don’t do all those things that you and I are so tempted to do, because at the time they seem easier than dealing with the disagreement head on. 

Instead, go and talk with the person, one-on-one. Tell them of your hurt. Share with them what you are feeling. Take a chance and open up with the person. But do it when the two of you are alone. Don’t point it out on Facebook or social media. Don’t hold a press conference to point it out. When the two of you are alone. 

Imagine if all the world did this faithfully. If we did! When we are angry with a friend or family member, we talk with them in an open and honest and loving way. Instead of ignoring it, or taking it out on others. Imagine what a difference this would make in our relationships! 

But of course, some of you are thinking that this won’t always work. The person who hurt you won’t always listen to you. In fact, that’s why so often we are afraid of opening up and sharing with them. We’re afraid that they won’t understand, or won’t listen, or may even hurt us again. So we try to ignore it, we repress it, and we end up getting angry with the wrong people over the wrong things. But it is true. Sometimes they won’t listen. Try it anyway, Jesus says. Give it a chance. And if they don’t listen, Jesus goes on to say this:

Then: Take One or Two Others with You 

If you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses.

If sharing with them did not work, it is time to ask for help. This is not the first step, but it is the next, and important step, to take when conflict exists. Ask for help. In a marriage, you can ask another couple to meet with you, or come and sit down with your pastor, or meet with a marriage counselor. At school, you can turn to a teacher. At work, you can talk to a trusted colleague. At church, you can reach out to a church leader. But don’t give up on the church or the relationship. Look for ways to bring about reconciliation and healing. That is what Jesus is asking of his followers. 

Then: Tell It to the Church

Now there are times when a member of a community is so stubborn and unrepentant that the entire community needs to be involved. Jesus suggests that if the member refuses to listen to two or three, tell it to the church. And if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile or tax collector. 

This last piece has always interested me. When someone refuses to listen even to the church, let them be as a Gentile or tax collector. What does Jesus mean by that? Isn’t he the one that spent a lot of his time with Gentiles and tax collectors? Isn’t the author of this gospel, Matthew, a former tax collector? Does this mean that we should never give up on them? Even though they can’t be part of our church community, should we still care about them? It would certainly seem so.

Closing: Being the Church for Others

Those are Jesus’ instructions on how to deal with conflict in the church. Living among other Christians is a privilege and a blessing, Bonhoeffer and many others remind us, but it takes work. It takes patience, persistence, and most of all, love. But Bonhoeffer also reminds us of something else very important about the church: “The church is only the church when it exists for others.” 

This is not a community founded by Jesus for us, but for the world. The reason why we work through conflict here is so that we can be united in our mission out there. We are called to exist for this world, to bring the good news to this world. But that’s not easy. It takes work. Again, it takes patience, persistence, and most of all, love. But it also takes this community. The body of Christ, called and gathered together to share our gifts, to learn from one another, and to take what we receive from our loving God, and from this loving community, into the world. Remembering, always, the promise: That whenever and wherever we gather in the name of Jesus, he is with us. Always. The gift that is grace, nothing but grace. Thanks be to God. Amen.